Picture
As I was walking home from school, I took the wrong trail.  That trail led me to a dark forest.  It was cold and very frightening.  Then, all of a sudden birds swooped down from the trees and I had a feeling they wanted me to follow.  They looked peculiar because they had black feathers, but they also had a blue tail.  I have heard in ancient times birds with blue tails lead to danger.  I didn’t use what I knew to protect me.  I felt unsafe thinking about it.  Finally, it led me to the most horrifying thing ever. What do you think was the most horrifying thing that she saw?

What do you think happened to her?

Should I make a story out of this?

Leave Me A Comment Down Below!  Bye…


Photo Credit: 
Photo Credit: Martin Gommel via Compfight cc
 


Mrs. Vilas
06/04/2013 5:31am

"What do you think was the most horrifying thing that she saw?" move that away from the story? Make your questions larger and in bold. Do not make the questions look like they are part of the story.

Reply
Miss C (Team 100WC)
06/09/2013 9:17am

This is a lovely piece of writing, Cayla. I really like your use of vocabulary, such as "peculiar".

You have started a lot of your sentences with "I", which can be quite repetitive. Could you use some more interesting openers, such as time connectives or adverbs?

Keep up the great writing.

Reply

Your comment will be posted after it is approved.


Leave a Reply.


Cayla's Creative Life as a 4th Grade Writer